he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
