Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry about my life...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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