that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
