I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
