i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
