Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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