He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
