I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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