you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
