If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize