apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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