I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
