The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So apparently I’m into choking now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
