The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
