How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize