I think I won the penis lottery.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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