Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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