how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize