you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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