I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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