Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize