You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
