so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
