Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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