Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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