Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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