Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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