As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize