I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
