I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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