Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
