He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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