i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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