Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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