what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
