God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
