apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
