we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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