We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
