Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
