i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
