Girls should come with a carfax report
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
