Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
