I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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