life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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