new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
