Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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