your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
