Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
