dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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