the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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