It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
