Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
