Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
