fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
