i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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