we have pet lesbian snakes
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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