Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize