u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wanna go halves on a baby?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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