My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
