hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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