and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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