She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
