Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
