Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
