Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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