In the future we'll all be gay
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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