she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
