My brain says no but my pants say off.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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