Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
