I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
