I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
