Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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