1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
