Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You ruined the universe
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
