I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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