Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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