I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
