is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize