so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
