The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
