YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
