i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
