Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
