Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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