You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
