He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
