Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
