The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
