Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
