I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
