you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
