everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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