The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
