I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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