Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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