I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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