I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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