get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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