My liver just broke up with me...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
