i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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