I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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