we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
