well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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