I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will pee on everything he values.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
