just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
