if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
