So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
